1/27 The Joy Sowers

Last night, I gazed again at the big dipper in the clear Texas night. I was overwhelmed by the events of the day and so I took a few minutes to soak it all in. We were visiting our favorite cul-de-sac in the world...the old neighborhood where we lived just after we married. It is our happy place. Our little dog, now blind, still knows his way around and can walk without care there. His old stomping grounds are like an old comfortable pair of shoes. For a few moments, he leaves behind the blindness and the creakiness of age and recaptures moments now past . There are countless memories in that place and are our friends are still there. Now we can share all that with Jen.

One of the ladies in the neighborhood knitted a wool hat for Jen...just in time for a winter trip to the frozen tundra. What a thoughtful gift!! Jen got to play fetch with her little dog and she giggled with every toss.



In the afternoon, friends from my wife's piano studio gathered to shower Jen with a welcome home party. She loved the presents and the attention of those who came to celebrate her arrival. There was a beautiful cake and so many wonderful presents...it was a "shower" of love. By the end of the evening, she was singing in Mandarin and calling out goodbye from the car as we pulled out of the driveway.



Just the day before, Jen's classmates at Chinese school learned a song for the upcoming Chinese New Year celebration. One of the phrases includes the words "baba mama" or 'father mother'. She sang it for us in the car on the way home. As we reflected on the words we realized that 6 weeks ago, that phrase would not have had the same meaning as it does now. By God's grace, she now has a baba and a mama. Although we are Caucasian and know so little of her language and culture, we are her parents now. We hope this new reality gives her a sense of normalcy and a new sense of identity and worth. She is ours and we are hers.

So what about the Joy Sowers I referred to in the title of this post?...

Well, if you are reading this blog, you are likely one of the joy sowers who have touched our lives in the past year. Let me tell you what you have done.

A little girl who grew up in an orphanage today lives with her new family. In so many ways big and small, people have sown joy into our lives as we walked through this process for the last thirteen months. There is no way we can recall or recount each word or each action but here are just some of the many ways we have been touched along the way...

- an anonymous love gift from someone at our church became the "first fruits" of our adoption application fee. They had no idea that their gift would go to help open an orphanage door in China...they may never know that in this life

- our documents were handled with care by so many in numerous offices across 5 states. They never lost a document. They were handled with care and passed along with well wishes for a child they would never know

- a fingerprint technician wished us congratulations when she could have just said "next in line"

- an immigration official in Los Angeles welcomed Jen home to America. He has seen thousands and could have just let us walk by.

- so many prayed us through a crisis that threatened everything. What was lost was restored. There was only a glimmer of hope but a miracle happened.

- maybe you were someone who took us to the airport or sent us a card before and after

- perhaps you sent Jen a gift or wished her well with a smile

- maybe you were someone who encouraged us and were happy for us

- our guide never quit talking to Jen in China even though she would not talk to him. He made certain she was going to be OK and worked to make everything as smooth as possible. He hugged us goodbye at the airport -- I was humbled by his willingness to do that.

- so many prayers carried us to Guangzhou...we felt God's presence when we got Jen and know those prayers, then and now, are carrying us

- so many bought us lunch or helped us make decisions

- a family with years of parenting experience and Chinese children of their own selflessly befriended us when they were so busy. They prayed for us right there in the restaurant and talked to us for hours.

- our friends from the neighborhood cared for our dog...a sacrifice to care for a dog who has struggled with the burden of blindness and illness. They were up in the middle of the night while we were relaxing with Jen in Guangzhou. Thank you!!

- too many sent cards and gifts to thank each one here

- to our fellow Zhuhai families...you have celebrated and cried with us along the way. Each month, there are more coming home and we are so thankful.

- someone prayed for Jen's best friend's family to appear and they did

- my friends at work who gave us a shower in November just before we left

- a family with Chinese children invited us to lunch out of the blue even though they didn't even know us

YOU are all the JOY SOWERS. In all these many ways, you have sown joy into our lives as we walked through the last year. Please know that the joy you have sown has taken root and is blooming. It is blooming in Jen's life and in ours.

I started crying on March the 2nd and haven't stopped crying since. And they are tears of joy. I have been seized by the wonder of adoption and wish that I could find some way to give my time and strength to it. Watching the joy on Jen's face has been so wonderful. In my own life, there have been ceaseless floods of joy. The one defining emotion that Jen has is joy. The joy of belonging, of being loved, of being free to become, the joy of living a new life. Unmitigated, unrestrained, overflowing and abundant joy.

And I know that in so many ways, the joy has come from all the many things you have done to make this all possible. You sowed joy into our lives and God has caused a mighty harvest of joy that just keeps bubbling over.

Thank you for sowing joy into our lives and hers.

1/25 An Orphan and Yet

One of my heroes in life is Corrie ten Boom, a Dutch woman whose life of love and courage was made famous in the book and movie entitled, "The Hiding Place".
If you know the story, you'll remember that she and her family made the dangerous and fatal decision to hide Jews from the Nazis in war torn Holland in the 1940's. Her decision to answer the door when a desperate Jew knocked led her into the darkness of a concentration camp where she witnessed the death of her sister Betsie and so many others.

Little did she know that by answering that knock that she would be swept to far away places...and not just to Germany. Before her death, she circled the globe recounting her story and telling of God's love in the midst of suffering.

I think of Jen and wonder why her life started out the way it did. She didn't have the family I had or the opportunities either. Loved, for certain, but no mother or father to watch over her. No bright future to look forward to. No particular hopes that life would someday be different for her. Just the dream of being adopted, of belonging and being important to someone.

So with those thoughts, I look at this picture. Taken one month before her adoption referral pictures arrived on a Friday afternoon in our inbox. I see in this picture the face of child who has endured. A resilient child who can smile in the midst of circumstances that could have broken her. For 10 years she lived and waited. She had no idea when this picture was taken that just a month later two people in America would make a decision that would change the course of her life and theirs.

One of Corrie ten Boom's books was entitled "A Prisoner and Yet". This title comes to mind...not that Jen was a prisoner or that the orphanage was a bad place or that she was mistreated in any way. Quite to the contrary. But I would like to entitle this picture, "An Orphan and Yet". It is tribute to God and they way He moves...working and shaping our ends to His purposes. Jen was an orphan and yet God had designs for her life that would one day carry her to America and who knows where beyond that.

Like Corrie and Betsie, I hope that Jen can one day be a light for God in dark places. In the midst of sorrow, she too has known joy. And for that we are so grateful

1/25 Language barriers

our little panda beside a real panda in Guangzhou wearing her panda necklace

Two of the most common questions we have gotten over the months is whether Jen knows any English and how do we plan to deal with the language barrier. Both of these questions are also intertwined with the decisions we have made about her schooling. Here are some things that we have learned so far...

Jen was in the middle of the 3rd grade in China when we met in December. According to her age, she would most likely be in the 5th grade in the States. We have heard that the elementary system is roughly equivalent in China regarding the ages they begin school so we don't know why she was in 3rd grade. We have been told that the orphanage may start the children in school at a later age for various reasons. We can only speculate at this point.

As for English, Jen has been exposed to some but how much is an open question. Her 2nd grade school records said she was taking English but we were told that they do not begin English until the 3rd grade. When we met, she spoke no English and appeared to only understand a word here and there. She recognized parts of the alphabet (the Chinese pin-yin system for transliterating Mandarin uses most of the English alphabet but the letters have different sounds). She could count to 10 in English and knew just a few stock phrases like "How are you?"..."I am fine". The phrases popped out along the way at unexpected times...we didn't know she knew them.

And before we get on to the big questions, I should say that Jen's first language is Cantonese. The children are taught Mandarin (the national language) and she understands it and speaks it as well. Cantonese and Mandarin sound amazingly different to the Western ear. The shopkeepers in Guangzhou who were from other provinces told us that Cantonese was difficult to pick up even for the Chinese. So Jen's language of the heart is Cantonese and is evidently her preference.

So how does one communicate with a 10 year old from another culture when the language barriers are so great? We had to make decisions about this months before we met Jen and those decisions have shaped both our experience and her transition thus far. This is one of those issues where you have to choose and wait to see how it all pans out. We've had mixed results so far and sometimes I end up scratching my head because the issues are complicated.

Okay, at 10 years old we assumed that Jen would have a great grip on Mandarin and we wanted to do everything we could to help her hang on to her language. Unlike a toddler who has lots of years left to grow up in the American culture, Jen's time until adulthood is basically cut in half. We wanted to help her maintain her Mandarin as a part of her Chinese identity and heritage. Given the growing importance of China on the world stage, the benefits of knowing Mandarin are numerous. I thought that she might want to return to China someday and we felt a responsibility to keep the language going for her future. As for Cantonese, it was a lost cause for us. Although there are millions of Cantonese speakers in the United States, trying to keep it up as well would be nearly impossible unless we submerged ourselves in the Chinese American culture. That is very disappointing to me as a parent -- denying my child the opportunity to use her mother tongue. It was one of the sacrifices of coming to America. We can give her Cantonese videos and expose her to Cantonese culture in the States somewhat but the Cantonese will drift away into her memories like a sweet childhood lullaby. Unfortunately, and to my regret, she'll stand with us one day in Cantonese speaking China and will not be able to speak it any longer. I feel that loss for her. As her parents, we bear the responsibility for that.

Well back to Mandarin and English... we made the decision that we were going to learn some Mandarin so that we could speak with Jen from the very first. Had Jen been younger, we would not have made the effort. But at 10, we wanted to communicate and so we hired a Chinese tutor about 7 months before we went to China. We sputtered along and didn't get serious about it until September which left us about 3 months or 12 to 13 lessons to learn some basic phrases and key words. Before we left, we were able to say simple phrases with only one purpose -- to communicate with Jen. They were targeted specifically for a child and her daily needs. Except for "ni hao" and a few other things, we couldn't say anything to an adult. As it turned out, the phrases we learned were exactly what we needed. On the very first night in the hotel room, I asked Jen in my best broken Mandarin if she needed to use the bathroom. She nodded her head and off she went. Since then we have used our limited (and I mean extremely limited) Mandarin almost every moment with her.

Now this all begs the question....this little girl is in America now...she needs to be speaking and learning English, doesn't she?? Yes, of course she does. Where it gets complicated is this...do we want to communicate with Jen or do we want to speak English only and let her and us struggle along? This goes back to our whole decision of learning some Mandarin. She knows that we understand some basic things so that is what she uses. Or should I say she is now speaking "Mandar-ish". That means she is just as likely to answer in Mandarin as she is English and mixes the two constantly. We, and especially me, speak "Engli-rin" which is basically English with Mandarin thrown in. Here are a few examples:

Each night, Jen says to me...." mingtian qu shang ban " which essentially means "are you going to work tomorrow?" I can answer back "yes" which she understands or I can say "I am going to work tomorrow" which she doesn't understand at all. So, in broken Chinese, I say the entire phrase to her and then we are communicating more fully. When I speak in Chinese, she understands and I make sure that she does because I ask and she will say yes I do or no I do not.

And since Jen knows that we understand some basic things, she is more inclined to sticking with Mandarin rather than trying to learn the English for certain things. She knows "brush your teeth" and will sing it over and over when she is getting ready to brush but we can't get her to say "I want to go to the bathroom". She always uses the Mandarin for that and maybe because it is a longer phrase. She does like to say "Good morning" and "thank you"..."your welcome" a lot but I would say that in any given minute she'll say it in Mandarin then in English and then in Mandarin again. Maybe what we are seeing is the emergence of a bilingual child which of course would be wonderful. And due to the crazy Mandarish-Englirin thing we have going, it is sort of our own private gibberish that would make Americans scratch their heads and cause a Chinese person to say, "that is some really bad Mandarin you got going there".

We are quite certain that this is all causing a delay in Jen's acquisition of English. And so there you go...we made a choice that really helps in our communication now but it is delaying her ability to communicate with others in English. We are on a horse in midstream and we like the horse honestly but it is not the path for everyone and maybe not the one we would even recommend. Some of our Chinese friends who immigrated here have the reverse concern...they speak Mandarin at home but their children prefer English and are not that interested in speaking Mandarin even though they understand it.

We could have gone cold turkey on the Mandarin from day one and that would have forced Jen to learn English faster...the ol' sink or swim thing. It was a choice we made to ease her transition and ours. How can you know what is best for a child when you haven't met them and you have to make that kind of language choice months in advance?

We have other friends who have chosen the English only route and we are eager to see how it works for their same age children. We suspect that their children will be farther along with English then Jen over the same amount of time. As I said, we are on the horse now and backing up is no longer an option. Language acquisition is not easy and the paths to fluency are many. We have used flash cards, TV, talking, reading, web sites for learning English...you name it.
In the end, it just takes time. We are learning every moment and hopefully she is too.

I am going to talk about our schooling options in the next post since this has gotten wordy.

When Jen is an adult, my goal is that is she fluent in English with no accent and that she can still speak and understand Mandarin. We don't know how much she will be able to read of it by then. Keeping and building on that skill is more difficult. Cantonese will be the language of her childhood and it would take a miracle for her to hold onto it. We have one trick up our sleeve on that one, however. All the girls from the orphanage who are coming to the US this spring speak Cantonese. Who knows if they will stay in touch and if so, maybe they can keep their Cantonese going over the phone. That would be a blessing for Jen.

We are making a little Chinese-American here and aren't sure of all the ingredients yet.....but were are certainly enjoying the process.

By the way, did you know that steakhouses and Mexican restaurants don't provide chopsticks?
We had to break the bad news to our little Cantonese, chop stick loving sweetheart. When in Rome as they say.....

1/23 Contact information

The following post was created to lead people to this blog who are searching for information about the orphanage in Zhuhai, Guangdong province, China.

Zhuhai Social Welfare Institute
Zhu Hai Social Welfare Institute
Zhuhai SWI
Zhu Hai SWI
Zhuhai orphanage
Zhu Hai orphanage

We are happy that you found our blog. For parents of children with connections to the Zhuhai orphanage, please see the following link:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Zhuhaiadoptees/

Our travel blog can be viewed at:

//movingheavenandearth.blogspot.com

1/19 Homeward bound

We wanted to take a moment to share the joy of our friends who will soon travel to China to meet their daughters from Zhuhai.

Our daughter, Jen, together with 10 other girls about her age are being adopted by American families. Jen and another girl are already here and we expect that three more will be home by the end of February.

We wish them traveling mercies and our prayers are with them.

These girls share a special bond from the many years they spent in Zhuhai together.

We bless their caretakers who raised them up and prepared them for a new life in America. They cared for these beautiful flowers for so many seasons and now they are blooming. And who knows what impact these young girls will have on the world in the years to come?

Who can know the ways or the mind of God? We will have to wait for eternity to understand the plans that were laid for them to be born far away only to stand one day under a distant sky.

1/19 Her final years in the orphanage

Orphanage outing - May 31, 2005 (almost 8 yrs old )



School picture - November 22, 2005 ( age 8 1/2)



Dance recital - January 13, 2006 (age 8 1/2)



Referral picture - August 14, 2006 (age 9)



Referral picture - August 14, 2006 (age 9)



Referral picture - August 14, 2006 (age 9)



August 14, 2006 (age 9)




Orphanage garden - February 15, 2007 (age 9 1/2)



Having fun - February 27, 2007 (age 9 1/2)



What you looking at? - June 6, 2007 (almost 10)



Field day - August 20, 2007 (age 10 and adoption in full swing)



Our little sweetheart - October 10, 2007 (age 10 and headed for America)




One month until adoption - November 16, 2007 (age 10 1/2 and hair is growing out)

1/19 Turbulence

Somewhere along the way, I lost my nerve to fly. I am not sure when it all started but these days flying has become an endurance test for me. I used to enjoy the experience and could relax along the way. Now I have to reassure myself with every little bump. In my head I know that I am being irrational...that flying is safer than riding in heavy traffic for instance...but that doesn't calm my jitters once I am aloft.

When we began this whole enterprise in late 2006, one of the things that I knew lay before me was a very long flight to China and back. We envisioned that the return leg would be with an inconsolable infant and I would be embarrased that I couldn't quiet my child. When it became apparent that we would be heading home with a 10 year old, I wondered how I would console a despondent 10 year old for 13 hours who doesn't understand English. As the time for our trip grew nearer, I began to dread the plane ride and wished I could snap my fingers and be there and back again.

When the day finally came in December to fly to Los Angeles, I was too caught up in the details to be concerned about the flight. As it turned out, it was smoothest flight I have been on in years. Not one shudder or bump. Textbook takeoff and landing. It was a pleasant surprise for which I was thankful. By the time we boarded for China, it was 1 am and our weariness helped to quell my nerves. Although sleep was hard to come by, I managed to sleep through some turbulence over night. I remember being in that half awake zone and feeling the bumps but I was able to fall asleep again. This I attribute to the prayers of my family and friends. Thank you.

On Saturday evening, December 29th, we departed Guangzhou for Los Angeles after a long wait at the airport. It was about 10pm local time and our new daughter was on cloud nine. She was literally bouncing up and down and holding our hands as we took off. All the wonder of air travel was hers for the first time. For my part, I was calm and getting us on board and settled in for the overnight flight was enough to distract me.

About three hours in, we ran into turbulence. I felt the shudders and watched the bulkheads shimmy and shake as we hit bump after bump. It was around 1 am and we were just east of Japan. I suppose it was no different than hitting turbulence somewhere east of Toledo but it sounds more dramatic to say it was in the middle of the night somewhere near Japan thousands of feet about the dark Pacific.

There I was fighting against the desire to panic and trying to put the turbulence into perspective. The plane wasn't going down, we were OK but I was slowly becoming scared to death. First one bump, then two, then a hundred...it went on and on and on. Two hours of turbulence. Not the roller coaster type drops that put a lump in your throat but the constant bump, jostle and shake that unnerves the nervous. Sitting over the wings, I could hear the engines groan and surge as the pilot maneuvered in the chop. It was not unlike riding down a washed out dirt road for hours on end. As the turbulence worsened, I tightened my seat belt and reached out to secure Jen's. There she was...sound asleep...her soul at rest and on the way to America and her father is torn up with anxiety. I held onto her tight and grabbed my wife's hand and asked, "Are you afraid?" and she replied, "A little".

Somewhere in mind came the lyrics to a song that goes something like...sometimes He calms the storm and sometimes He calms His child. Well I wasn't interested in being consoled...I just wanted it to stop. Every time when I thought we were through it would start all over again. White knuckled and waiting for the big drop that would put me into orbit, I clutched my armrest and Jen as we bounced along back home. Perhaps on a flight in the US the captain would have come on to say that he was looking for smoother air and he hoped to get out of this soon. I liken it to riding a horse bareback who is galloping back to the barn. We were on a beeline for Los Angeles and apparently the fastest way there was straight through all of the turbulence.

I guess it was no coincidence that the "what have we done" question popped up in the middle of all of this. I mean I am basically becoming scared to fly and here I am on a long haul flight with another flight waiting for me LA. The child we were bringing home was not a "little" bundle of joy but a 10 yr old who was stretched out across us and three seats long. No more translator, no more hotel living and relaxing in Guangzhou. We were headed home to our new, unknown life to raise a child that we could only communicate with on a very basic level. My wife was having the "what have we dones?" as well. Together with the "what were we thinking?" and the turbulence, it was a just a little overwhelming.

After a while, I realized we were not going to fly out of this and it was just going to go on and on. Kristy said this would be quite a way to end things....flying to China, adopting our daughter and going down on the way home. It is the risk you take, of course. We set out to do what we think we are supposed to do never really knowing how it will turn out. My wife and I graduated with a young man and he died on his way home from our graduation. Years of preparation and struggle ended just when you thought it should be beginning.

I was praying that angels would bear up that aircraft through the storm...not a storm outside but a storm within me. It helped to think about standing in the line at immigration in Los Angeles and imagining that we were there and not in the plane anymore. I was wondering how I could fly again to China someday and just wishing I could rent a car in LA and drive us back to Texas.

Of course, our flight made it in and after a long wait we flew uneventfully across the night to Houston. Back to earth once more. Wishing that I could somehow skip the flying for a while at least but knowing there are flights that I have to keep and as Robert Frost said, "and miles to go before I sleep."

I hope that the providence of God carries us to the open door of an orphanage in China again some day. It is worth whatever it takes to change one child's life. Turbulence and all. And from everything we've seen from Jen so far, she's glad we crossed the ocean that was between us.

1/11 I'll see you in America

What must it be like for lifetime friends to part and say goodbye? Our daughter left her best friend behind at the orphanage -- knowing that she also would also be coming to America one day. No promise of ever seeing each other again...just knowing they shared the same destination.

We are so thrilled to say that the parents of her best friend found us yesterday!!!!!!!!!!

And so, on some bright day in the months ahead, we look forward to a reunion.

Two girls shared a bed and a life together in an orphanage for ten long years. They parted never knowing whether they would ever see each other again. What a sweet ending to the story....reunited in another time and another place...some day not too long from now

1/9 The gift of adoption

In my short time as the father of an adopted child, I have come to realize that adoption is a gift. It is a gift that is both received and given.

We received the gift when it became apparent that God was opening the door for us to become parents by means of adoption. We were able to give that gift to our daughter who had wanted to be adopted for so long.

Tonight I watched her work on addition and subtraction in her workbook. Then we watched part of the Lion King in Cantonese and a music video in Mandarin. She sang along in Mandarin and enjoyed it.

I don't know what lies ahead for our daughter but I do know that her world has changed through adoption. Her horizon has broadened and before her lies all the wonders that life has to offer.

I can't wait to see what waits down the road for her and for us.

1/8 A hug for good measure

In recent days when I can't sleep, I find myself writing and getting our affairs in order. Always mounds of paperwork it seems.

And usually, my daughter wakes and comes and finds me to sit on my lap. Off to the bathroom she runs and then back to me for another hug. I give her a squeeze and she runs off to bed again.

On this bleary eyed morning, she said something in Mandarin with a smile. I told her I did not understand and said goodnight. She grinned, shut her door then came out and said, "Good night" and then flew back to the covers.

I never knew that fatherhood would be such a grand affair. May her tribe increase!

1/8 Look... there's America!!

As our airplane reached the coastline of California, our daughter begin to grin with excitement. Down below was "meiguo" - America... the place she had been told about and was so excited to see. It was December 29th and we were on the homeward leg of our journey to China. We touched down at LAX and there our story begins....

The airport was bustling with holiday travelers and the melting pot that is California did not disappoint. The first person we met was an immigration officer of Hispanic descent who called for the next baby in line. Jen was counter top high as we stood there. He processed our daughter's documents from the American consulate in China and sent us to retrieve our luggage. Behind us in line stood three Chinese immigrants with papers in hand...making their entrance into this new world as well. I tried to smile and wanted to say welcome but I didn't. I knew in many ways that they were embarking on the same enterprise as our daughter...a new land, new dreams, a new future.

At the luggage carousel, I helped another Chinese lady in her 20s with some immense bags. Her English was quite clear and I guessed she too was moving to America. Back in immigration, we waited with half a dozen adoptive families from our flight. Nice people from all over the US watching over their little ones...minutes away from being granted the privilege of citizenship. Our name was called, we grabbed up our things and stood before another immigration officer. With a simple smile he handed us Jen's Chinese passport with the stamp that signified her citizenship. He said welcome...it wasn't Ellis Island or the Statue of Liberty but she had made it finally.

In customs, we were greeted by a large man with a Russian accent. He looked at us and our papers and waved us through. Then a Hispanic immigration officer took our papers, looked at Jen and said "Ni hao". "What kind of place is this?" Jen must have thought. All the colors and accents must have been overwhelming.

Out at curbside, it looked like a gathering of the United Nations. People coming and going from every nation, tribe and tongue. My wife Kristy loved it. I overheard lots of conversations and very few in English. It was cold and we were weaving and bobbing with carry on luggage and a little exhausted girl in tow. We finally made it to the domestic terminal where we were greeted by two more security people. A kind African American man told us with a big smile that he once met an American couple who passed through LAX with their newly adopted child from China. Some years later, he met them once again returning from their second adoption trip. Such a huge place and so many people and so much time passed and he ends up meeting the same family twice!! He welcomed Jen and wished blessings upon us.

Jen negotiated security but almost got squished by a rolling cart. We were exhausted and after a long layover we caught the red eye back to Houston. Jen slept the whole way and night became morning. After thousands of miles we had arrived safely home and only lost two luggage wheels. We were in good health, good spirits and though tired we were very happy to be home to begin our new life.

1/8 New life, new blog

Now that our journey to China is complete, I have decided to continue the story that began in Guangzhou in December 2007. I plan to write about the experiences of our daughter as she begins her new way of life in America.

She brings an unusual perspective to the table in that she is both a new immigrant and newly adopted. I hope to focus on the greater issues of adjusting after adoption and how she negotiates the cultural differences between China and America. As a family, we want to celebrate her Chinese heritage and all the influences that have made her into the person that she is.