5/4 The ups and downs of making it through

Sometimes our lives are upside down these days, but by the grace of God we are making it.

We are close to five months since that day in Guangzhou back in December. In some ways, the adoption has been everything we expected and at other times it has been quite different than we imagined. Here is a progress report on Jen and where we are on the journey.

Right now, in the background, I hear the soft notes of the piano as Jen is practicing for her first piano performance. We hoped she might be interested in piano and she has been. Kristy has been teaching children piano for many years so this is going very well. Jen watches her mother play at church each week so it seems natural that she would enjoy learning. The experience has helped to build self-esteem and discipline -- she is working to improve and that is exciting to see.

School has been a confusing thing so far and we often question if we are making the right choices for her education. Kristy has been homeschooling Jen and there have been a number of difficult days. Learning a new language is difficult and that slows the process of other subjects like math as well. Currently, we are hoping to have her at grade level in math by the end of the summer of 2008. That seems like a realistic goal as math does not require a command of English. There are still issues with math however because even simple addition/subtraction often gets presented in word problems like "Joe has 5 eggs more than Sally and she has 3 eggs, how many does Joe have?" Math presented in that manner on a test would be impossible at this point. But we hope to at least get the math concepts down that she should know by now.

Jen is learning English and understands maybe 60% of what we say when we are speaking to her. Of course, we use words she understands. She can translate back and forth for the words she knows. And we learn some new Chinese words along the way. We still revert to using Chinese words when we have to although those times are becoming less and less. Emotions and abstract things are harder and we have to depend on the pocket translator for those things. As you can imagine, a lot gets lost in translation. You have to accept that reality if you adopt an older child. Everyone has to be on board with the fact that communication will be hard at times.

We have our difficult days and those times wear out our heart and soul. You expend so much effort trying to build bonds and they are fragile. When things go south, the bonds begin to strain and break. Then you have to start building those bonds again. We try not to focus on the present state of events too much. If we did, it would be too overwhelming to handle it all. Our goal is to get Jen to adulthood as a well adjusted person who has come to grips with her past and is able to go out into the world and live meaningfully. Life here in a family is not the same as life in an orphanage. She is having to learn a different ethic in addition to all the language and cultural issues. She is having to learn what a parent is and what they do and what they are for. She doesn't know those things yet. She is learning about how one family works and how it all fits together. And finally, we are trying to teach her about God and her place in His world.


Swimming lessons have a been a great experience for Jen. As you can see, she is just estatic when she gets to the pool. She got to swim sometimes in Zhuhai and she is so excited about her lessons. It allows her a chance to be an ordinary kid for a while.


We are making it through these days. We gave Jen the middle name Hope and claimed Jeremiah 29:11 as her life verse. We believe that God's plan for Jen is great and He can help her overcome the tragedy of being an orphan for so many years. On the bad days, we have to cling to that verse and know that God is at work when things are not exactly smooth sailing. Part of all of this is having to trust that God sees all the way down the road and not just the little way that we can see.

Sometimes when you think of us, please pray for our little American girl -- and for her brothers and sisters from Zhuhai who left the only home they knew to come here. It can be difficult on every one at times. They are in our prayers, too.