7/23 Mumzy and Papa at the beach

Mumzy, Jen and Momma - Cape Lookout summer 2008

On the 4th of July, Kristy and I took Jen to see my parents at the beach on the east coast. This was Jen's first visit to her grandparents house. She loved it and so did we. It was so nice to spend a relaxing week with them. We ate lots of seafood (Jen loved the soft sheell crab sandwiches --- legs and all), walked on the beach, played in the ocean and enjoyed being with family.

The first afternoon, we went to church for a picnic and watched fireworks over Swansboro which sits just near the inlet to the ocean. Jen just about ate them out of house and home in the watermelon department. She is a watermelon eatin' machine!! We made several visits to the local Marine base as well. I love North Carolina so much but I am partial because it will always be home -- wherever else life may take me. Its beauty to me is its simplicity -- just dunes and ocean, small towns and nice people.

My parents were sweet to Jen. She arrived to find her picture in her bedroom. All throughout the house were little pictures of her peaking out to greet us. She felt comfortable in their home and adjusted well to living somewhere else for a week. Jen is a "portable" girl. She is quite adaptable. She has spent a lot of time in hotels since she came home in December. 2008 has been an unusual travel year for us. We ended 2007 together in the White Swan in Guangzhou. Then family visits and business trips will have taken us far and wide by the end of the summer.

Jen with her grandparents - Harkers Island summer 2008

My parents have lots of pictures on the walls of family members -- of my siblings and of my grandparents. Jen walked around asking about the pictures and wanted to know who they were. She has a need to belong and I enjoyed explaining about the people in the pictures. She is now in our family tree -- the little girl from China who blew in on the wind like a sweet breeze on a summer day. Jen fits right in.



Papa and Jen - Harkers Island, July 2008

No trip to the beach would be complete without a nighttime visit to the pier. How many memories I have of going to the pier from my childhood even until now. Never did I dream that I would one day stand on a pier with my own child -- much less a little a girl from China. As the sun stole away to the west, my girls posed for a picture with the wind whipping through their hair.

Once an orphan and now our daughter - how marvelous is the grace of God
Bogue Inlet pier, July 2008

7/25 Our day by the sea

Jen and Layne reunited at the Clamdigger - July 2008

On Wednesday, July the 9th, we had one of those days that I will always remember. I wish I could have captured it as a treasure to give to my daughter. The day is gone but we have the memories and a few pictures. Let me share it with you.

We were at the beach in North Carolina visiting my parents. We made arrangements to meet a family whose daughter was with Jen in Zhuhai. Back in the summer of 2007, we met her parents through the Internet. Their daughter knew Jen well and we shared the long months of waiting for news about the status of our adoptions. Since they lived so close to where I grew up, we looked forward to meeting them some day. Their daughter came home soon after Jen and the girls exchanged a few phone calls since arriving in America. When we planned to meet their family at the beach, I didn't know what to expect. I thought the girls might be indifferent -- it was hard to know. I hoped the families would just be glad to meet and enjoy the mutual encouragement.

What we got was 9 hours of fun and the girls were virtually inseparable. The Cantonese began to roll and never stopped until the last goodbye. Steve and Sue were kind and we enjoyed picking their brain about their experiences so far and learning from their years of parenting. We shared a funny moment at lunch when talking about the girls sharing chicken with each other (or maybe not!) Chicken is a prized possession (as well as that other dear food -- watermelon) and when it came to sharing we laughed at the prospect of either one surrendering a piece to the other. After all, there is "sharing" and then there is "you have got to be kidding" (as in "you'll have to pry this piece of chicken from my cold, dead fingers").

The mid-day was spent boogie boarding in the rough surf followed by a swim in the pool and hot tub. After lunch, we started out for a nice walk on the beautiful beach. The girls began to wade in the surf and found lots of mole crabs at the water's edge. They began racing back and forth to the surf to scoop up these little creatures and put them in a bucket. Layne earned the title of "crabinator" for her uncanny ability to catch dozens. Eventually, all the little mole crabs made it back to the sea and we continued on our walk until sundown.

Molly, Layne and Jen having a ball

As we walked, Jen and Layne relived times from their life in Zhuhai. A little singing and a little dancing and a little walking hand in hand. For a few hours, life in America faded to the background and they were somewhere back in China reminiscing about the life they left behind.

Layne and Jen along the shores of North Carolina - July 2008


As I stood on the beach and watched the girls play, I could hear in my mind the beautiful music from "Pride and Prejuidice". A friend let us borrow the movie for vacation and I watched it about 3 times that week. Over and over again, the music wafted around in my head -- adding to the beauty of the scene before me. The notes of the piano were now being accompanied by the sea, the wind and the waves. My heart was full to overflowing. I was grateful to be there.

Layne and Jen -- two Cantonese peas from the same pod

As the sun faded away, I took a few shots as they showed off a dance routine. The camera flashed as two Cantonese girls giggled and wiggled and sang. Before long, the moment was over and after goodbyes and farewells, we drove away into the night. The day was gone but we have the memories to cherish for a long time.

A Cantonese Waltz

Dancing to "The Tennessee Waltz" in Five Ram Park, Guangzhou, China
December 21, 2007

In the days after we met Jen back in December, we saw the sights of Guangzhou, China including Five Ram Park. There, under the trees on a pleasant morning, local couples gathered to celebrate the simple pleasure of dancing with their sweetheart. The familiar refrain of "The Tennessee Waltz" wafted across this hillside retreat and I was reminded once again that people are the same all across the world. On that day, Chinese men and women of a certain age forgot their troubles and enjoyed the lilting rhythms of a song that came from far away -- sung with an unmistakable country twang. The scene could have just as easily been somewhere in the American South. I felt privileged to watch -- it called to mind memories of a simpler time.

These days, my daughter and I are dancing, too. Or rather I am teaching her to dance. Not a literal dance, mind you, but the dance of life. This ten year old who has come into our life needs to learn so much -- and we have so little time to teach her. We have begun the dance in earnest but some days we don't know where to start or what to work on next. This dance demands great care -- she must learn and we must teach her but the how and the when are as important as the steps themselves. My daughter and I -- we have learned some steps together so far but sometimes, no often, she steps on my toes. And sometimes I step on hers. Let me explain.

We were on a return flight from North Carolina and we missed our connection in Charlotte. The replacement flight found us scattered between seats on a full plane. I boarded first and waited for Jen and Mom to follow. Jen reached me and I told her to sit in the seat in the next row diagonally from me. She refused and walked past several rows. I called to her to sit and was again rebuffed. By then, a log jam of people was forming in the aisle behind and I told her more sternly to sit. By then, Kristy and a stewardess became involved and Jen was told to sit beside me in the exit row. Once seated, the stewardess would switch folks around and get Jen out of the exit row and seated with her mother. As Jen walked into my row, she looked at me in frustration and said, "Don't do that!" and then with a look I had not seen before she said "Scared!". Suddenly, I got it. I was asking too much for her to sit by a stranger in unfamiliar circumstances and away from us. Daddy had blown it. I was expecting compliance when I should have been interceding for her instead. Our little independent Cantonese girl needed me to see that but I didn't. Instead, I embarrassed and scared her. I had stepped or rather stomped on her toes. Happily, she was soon re-seated beside Momma in the back of the plane and the moment was forgotten.

Jen steps on our toes a lot. Showing respect is an ongoing problem and from our conversations with other parents we understand this is a common issue. There are times when we could spend all day long calling her down. Effective discipline is built upon respect and that respect can be hard to come by. At some level I get what is going on. I am her father on paper but not in her heart -- at least not yet. I am Daddy but what is a daddy after all but a name if you have never had one or known what a daddy is supposed to do or be? She doesn't get the fundamental distinction between parent and child. She hasn't grasped that parents and children are not equals. She doesn't understand that her parents have authority over her so they can show her how to live...how to dance the dance of life. It can be exasperating at times -- I love to joke with Kristy that if I had tried some of the things growing up that our little one has tried I would have been a greasy spot. Of course, I have to put it in perspective...she hasn't had the benefit of all those years of learning the do's and dont's of life. So, we find ourselves trying to roll with the punches, or should I say pinches (as in, she pinches a lot) and hold her accountable for the things which are universally wrong. The rest, the finer points of culture, such as not putting your feet on Daddy's back and pushing him out of bed...the rest she will learn in time.

This dance has to be taught so delicately and so expertly. We were called to raise Jen but we didn't come pre-equipped with years of parental experience to do it. As we teach her the dance, we have to get the timing just right. If we teach her too fast, it becomes frustrating -- too many steps and too many moving parts -- it's overwhelming to her. If we teach her too slowly, we will run out of time before adulthood comes. We have to press but press delicately and just enough to get her to learn more and more each day. Sometimes we whirl and sometimes we stumble but we are dancing.

We know that some day Jen will have to dance on her own. That day is coming sooner than we would like. We'd like to steal back the lost years but neither we nor she can go back to Zhuhai and get them. But somehow, in the years which lay ahead, God will give her feet all the grace she needs to dance the dance. We wish you could see it up close...it is amazing to watch even though it tries our patience at times.

To my wife, I want to say that Jen doesn't know what a sweetheart she got for a mother. What she really needed most in this life was for someone to love her and I know that you do. And one day, she will rise up and call you blessed...because you saved her in all the ways that a child can be saved by a momma in this world.

Goodnight, we've got to get back to dancing...