9/29 School days

It has been a while since I wrote. September is slipping away and we have had an exciting month in these parts. Jen has a month of school in America under her belt and weathered through a hurricane to boot. It has been a month of blessings. Let me a share a few of them with you...

After a semester of homeschooling Jen, we wanted to explore other options for her education. We support homeschooling and admire those who do so. But for Jen, the drawbacks were growing greater than the benefits. Her verbal skills were falling behind her Cantonese friends who were attending school. In addition, there was only so much socialization into the American culture that we could give her. It was time for a change and so we began the process of enrolling her.

We didn't realize that finding the right place would be so difficult -- just of one of the struggles that comes with adopting a school age child from a foreign culture. In retrospect, I seriously misjudged how difficult it would be and I made a number of assumptions that were incorrect. By the grace of God, Jen was shielded from the experience. Several people took an interest in her case and began to advocate for her. They advised us about what steps to take, whom to talk to and what to say and when. We had to step out of our comfort zone and be bold for her sake. Most of the details need to remain private. A lot of kind people were involved who worked hard to do their jobs and help Jen find her place. Here is what I can share with you.

In late July and early August, we were travelling and had decided that we would enroll Jen in school. Christian school would be our first choice as we wanted to give her a spiritual and moral foundation that she had missed for so many years. The "survival of the fittest" ethic of orphanage life damages the emotions and the worldview of a child. They need extra help to work through those issues. It was our heart to send her there but the costs can be quite high.

After some investigating, we soon were sitting in the office of a Christian school despairing as it became apparent that they could not enroll our daughter. A staff member told us that they knew God had a plan Jen. At the time, it rang so hollow as the door was closing in our face. I wanted to cry out, "You send people out to the world to reach others for Christ and now the 'world' has come to your door and you are turning her away." The rejection stung...as we walked away it didn't seem like the best fit for us. That helped to temper the disappointment I felt. Good people trying to do the best thing for everyone involved -- but it still stung. At that moment, I thought -- if I had the money, I would start a Christian school for foreign orphans.

Facing that closed door, we turned once again toward the public school system. There are far too many details to recount here but we can say that God worked a miracle for Jen. On a Thursday afternoon, I had resigned myself to the fact that we would have to accept a placement for Jen that was problematic. We had exhausted all of our options and the doors were closing around us. On that day, someone saw Jen in person and after one look spoke a single sentence of hope to us. Those words were like the olive branch brought by a dove to Noah after the flood. Too many details and too private to share publicly but on the following Tuesday, Jen started school in the place she needed to be with the people who she needed to help her on her way.

God made a way for Jen where there was no way. And now our little Cantonese girl is happy to go to school everyday, is exceeding the expectations of her instructors and is feeling the joy of being a normal child.

On a Friday morning, we stood by the bike rack at school and in front of the principal she reached up and grabbed my neck and said "I love you" and kissed my cheek and she was off. That kiss was worth all the pearls in the Orient. It was an affirmation that God can make all things new -- that a little girl's life could be made anew in a land very far away from her first home.

An adoption healthcare specialist told us that adopting an older child would be difficult and she was right. But watching a little girl ride down a bike path on her little bike and giggle in delight makes it all worth it.

8/20 San Diego

We capped off a long summer of travel and adventure by going to San Diego. Since I had to go for a convention anyway, we decided to go as a family. It was Jen's first trip to California and we were blessed to see and do a lot of special things. We visited Sea World, the zoo, went sailing and saw the sights. We were especially blessed to visit another of Jen's "sisters" from the orphanage.

Jen wanted to get splashed by Shamu

But he kept getting out of his tank


So we finally got her good and wet on the roller coaster/log flume

Jen and Daddy are proud as penguins

Who would've guessed that a little girl from Wisconsin would grow up one day and be a mom to a little girl from China

Jen got to steer the sailboat

This young lady went out of her way to be kind to Jen

Swimming in the bay with new friends

Jen is blessed with a mother who loves her deeply...just what the doctor ordered. Kristy comforts a Lab that was a little scared out on the bow

Dreaming about Shamu

8/20 Miss a post?

Just in case you missed it, I wrote a post about our July reunion with one of Jen's friends from Zhuhai. It ended up back a few posts -- entitled "Our Day by the Sea".

8/19 Jen's first birthday party

A few weeks ago, we celebrated Jen's birthday and had a small party with some close friends. This was a first for Jen -- as best as we can tell they didn't celebrate or acknowledge birthdays at the orphanage. In April, we bought a pinata for her in San Antonio and finally the time had come to put it up. Here are a few pictures. Enjoy!!





Jen's first birthday cake with 11 candles!!

Every girl ought to feel like a princess

Pinning the tail on the burro

Blowing out her very own candles

Thanks for coming...it was great!!

8/12 For Jen

At night when sleep has flown from me
I rise to walk beside the sea
And think about the days to come
Of how to spend them til they're done

One night and not so long ago
While gazing down and stepping slow
I happened on a starfish rare
Among some shells -- and resting there

For long had been its travels sore
Cast up on this far distant shore
From crashing seas it came to rest
Just footsteps from my door

The ebbing tide had slipped behind
And left it there amidst the brine
Its arms outstretched beneath the stars
Which glimmered far above

Then stooped did I to view the star
With markings strange and from afar
This one that gleamed as I walked past
Bore an Oriental cast

I could not leave this little star
That rode the waves and travelled far
To rest on this forgotten bar
Just beneath my feet

And thinking of the tank at home
Which sat all empty and alone
I clutched it up unto my chest
And raced into the night

The life which ebbed has now returned
Inside my tank the star does turn
And bends and moves as starfish do
This one with an Oriental hue

At night when sleep has flown from me
I rise to walk beside the sea
And comb the sands beyond my door
Wondering if there will be more...
Waiting there for me

7/23 Mumzy and Papa at the beach

Mumzy, Jen and Momma - Cape Lookout summer 2008

On the 4th of July, Kristy and I took Jen to see my parents at the beach on the east coast. This was Jen's first visit to her grandparents house. She loved it and so did we. It was so nice to spend a relaxing week with them. We ate lots of seafood (Jen loved the soft sheell crab sandwiches --- legs and all), walked on the beach, played in the ocean and enjoyed being with family.

The first afternoon, we went to church for a picnic and watched fireworks over Swansboro which sits just near the inlet to the ocean. Jen just about ate them out of house and home in the watermelon department. She is a watermelon eatin' machine!! We made several visits to the local Marine base as well. I love North Carolina so much but I am partial because it will always be home -- wherever else life may take me. Its beauty to me is its simplicity -- just dunes and ocean, small towns and nice people.

My parents were sweet to Jen. She arrived to find her picture in her bedroom. All throughout the house were little pictures of her peaking out to greet us. She felt comfortable in their home and adjusted well to living somewhere else for a week. Jen is a "portable" girl. She is quite adaptable. She has spent a lot of time in hotels since she came home in December. 2008 has been an unusual travel year for us. We ended 2007 together in the White Swan in Guangzhou. Then family visits and business trips will have taken us far and wide by the end of the summer.

Jen with her grandparents - Harkers Island summer 2008

My parents have lots of pictures on the walls of family members -- of my siblings and of my grandparents. Jen walked around asking about the pictures and wanted to know who they were. She has a need to belong and I enjoyed explaining about the people in the pictures. She is now in our family tree -- the little girl from China who blew in on the wind like a sweet breeze on a summer day. Jen fits right in.



Papa and Jen - Harkers Island, July 2008

No trip to the beach would be complete without a nighttime visit to the pier. How many memories I have of going to the pier from my childhood even until now. Never did I dream that I would one day stand on a pier with my own child -- much less a little a girl from China. As the sun stole away to the west, my girls posed for a picture with the wind whipping through their hair.

Once an orphan and now our daughter - how marvelous is the grace of God
Bogue Inlet pier, July 2008

7/25 Our day by the sea

Jen and Layne reunited at the Clamdigger - July 2008

On Wednesday, July the 9th, we had one of those days that I will always remember. I wish I could have captured it as a treasure to give to my daughter. The day is gone but we have the memories and a few pictures. Let me share it with you.

We were at the beach in North Carolina visiting my parents. We made arrangements to meet a family whose daughter was with Jen in Zhuhai. Back in the summer of 2007, we met her parents through the Internet. Their daughter knew Jen well and we shared the long months of waiting for news about the status of our adoptions. Since they lived so close to where I grew up, we looked forward to meeting them some day. Their daughter came home soon after Jen and the girls exchanged a few phone calls since arriving in America. When we planned to meet their family at the beach, I didn't know what to expect. I thought the girls might be indifferent -- it was hard to know. I hoped the families would just be glad to meet and enjoy the mutual encouragement.

What we got was 9 hours of fun and the girls were virtually inseparable. The Cantonese began to roll and never stopped until the last goodbye. Steve and Sue were kind and we enjoyed picking their brain about their experiences so far and learning from their years of parenting. We shared a funny moment at lunch when talking about the girls sharing chicken with each other (or maybe not!) Chicken is a prized possession (as well as that other dear food -- watermelon) and when it came to sharing we laughed at the prospect of either one surrendering a piece to the other. After all, there is "sharing" and then there is "you have got to be kidding" (as in "you'll have to pry this piece of chicken from my cold, dead fingers").

The mid-day was spent boogie boarding in the rough surf followed by a swim in the pool and hot tub. After lunch, we started out for a nice walk on the beautiful beach. The girls began to wade in the surf and found lots of mole crabs at the water's edge. They began racing back and forth to the surf to scoop up these little creatures and put them in a bucket. Layne earned the title of "crabinator" for her uncanny ability to catch dozens. Eventually, all the little mole crabs made it back to the sea and we continued on our walk until sundown.

Molly, Layne and Jen having a ball

As we walked, Jen and Layne relived times from their life in Zhuhai. A little singing and a little dancing and a little walking hand in hand. For a few hours, life in America faded to the background and they were somewhere back in China reminiscing about the life they left behind.

Layne and Jen along the shores of North Carolina - July 2008


As I stood on the beach and watched the girls play, I could hear in my mind the beautiful music from "Pride and Prejuidice". A friend let us borrow the movie for vacation and I watched it about 3 times that week. Over and over again, the music wafted around in my head -- adding to the beauty of the scene before me. The notes of the piano were now being accompanied by the sea, the wind and the waves. My heart was full to overflowing. I was grateful to be there.

Layne and Jen -- two Cantonese peas from the same pod

As the sun faded away, I took a few shots as they showed off a dance routine. The camera flashed as two Cantonese girls giggled and wiggled and sang. Before long, the moment was over and after goodbyes and farewells, we drove away into the night. The day was gone but we have the memories to cherish for a long time.

A Cantonese Waltz

Dancing to "The Tennessee Waltz" in Five Ram Park, Guangzhou, China
December 21, 2007

In the days after we met Jen back in December, we saw the sights of Guangzhou, China including Five Ram Park. There, under the trees on a pleasant morning, local couples gathered to celebrate the simple pleasure of dancing with their sweetheart. The familiar refrain of "The Tennessee Waltz" wafted across this hillside retreat and I was reminded once again that people are the same all across the world. On that day, Chinese men and women of a certain age forgot their troubles and enjoyed the lilting rhythms of a song that came from far away -- sung with an unmistakable country twang. The scene could have just as easily been somewhere in the American South. I felt privileged to watch -- it called to mind memories of a simpler time.

These days, my daughter and I are dancing, too. Or rather I am teaching her to dance. Not a literal dance, mind you, but the dance of life. This ten year old who has come into our life needs to learn so much -- and we have so little time to teach her. We have begun the dance in earnest but some days we don't know where to start or what to work on next. This dance demands great care -- she must learn and we must teach her but the how and the when are as important as the steps themselves. My daughter and I -- we have learned some steps together so far but sometimes, no often, she steps on my toes. And sometimes I step on hers. Let me explain.

We were on a return flight from North Carolina and we missed our connection in Charlotte. The replacement flight found us scattered between seats on a full plane. I boarded first and waited for Jen and Mom to follow. Jen reached me and I told her to sit in the seat in the next row diagonally from me. She refused and walked past several rows. I called to her to sit and was again rebuffed. By then, a log jam of people was forming in the aisle behind and I told her more sternly to sit. By then, Kristy and a stewardess became involved and Jen was told to sit beside me in the exit row. Once seated, the stewardess would switch folks around and get Jen out of the exit row and seated with her mother. As Jen walked into my row, she looked at me in frustration and said, "Don't do that!" and then with a look I had not seen before she said "Scared!". Suddenly, I got it. I was asking too much for her to sit by a stranger in unfamiliar circumstances and away from us. Daddy had blown it. I was expecting compliance when I should have been interceding for her instead. Our little independent Cantonese girl needed me to see that but I didn't. Instead, I embarrassed and scared her. I had stepped or rather stomped on her toes. Happily, she was soon re-seated beside Momma in the back of the plane and the moment was forgotten.

Jen steps on our toes a lot. Showing respect is an ongoing problem and from our conversations with other parents we understand this is a common issue. There are times when we could spend all day long calling her down. Effective discipline is built upon respect and that respect can be hard to come by. At some level I get what is going on. I am her father on paper but not in her heart -- at least not yet. I am Daddy but what is a daddy after all but a name if you have never had one or known what a daddy is supposed to do or be? She doesn't get the fundamental distinction between parent and child. She hasn't grasped that parents and children are not equals. She doesn't understand that her parents have authority over her so they can show her how to live...how to dance the dance of life. It can be exasperating at times -- I love to joke with Kristy that if I had tried some of the things growing up that our little one has tried I would have been a greasy spot. Of course, I have to put it in perspective...she hasn't had the benefit of all those years of learning the do's and dont's of life. So, we find ourselves trying to roll with the punches, or should I say pinches (as in, she pinches a lot) and hold her accountable for the things which are universally wrong. The rest, the finer points of culture, such as not putting your feet on Daddy's back and pushing him out of bed...the rest she will learn in time.

This dance has to be taught so delicately and so expertly. We were called to raise Jen but we didn't come pre-equipped with years of parental experience to do it. As we teach her the dance, we have to get the timing just right. If we teach her too fast, it becomes frustrating -- too many steps and too many moving parts -- it's overwhelming to her. If we teach her too slowly, we will run out of time before adulthood comes. We have to press but press delicately and just enough to get her to learn more and more each day. Sometimes we whirl and sometimes we stumble but we are dancing.

We know that some day Jen will have to dance on her own. That day is coming sooner than we would like. We'd like to steal back the lost years but neither we nor she can go back to Zhuhai and get them. But somehow, in the years which lay ahead, God will give her feet all the grace she needs to dance the dance. We wish you could see it up close...it is amazing to watch even though it tries our patience at times.

To my wife, I want to say that Jen doesn't know what a sweetheart she got for a mother. What she really needed most in this life was for someone to love her and I know that you do. And one day, she will rise up and call you blessed...because you saved her in all the ways that a child can be saved by a momma in this world.

Goodnight, we've got to get back to dancing...

6/25 Wisconsin in the summer

Jen got into the swing of things when we went for a summer visit to see Kristy's family in Wisconsin. Her aunts gave her a pretty whale's tail pendant from their trip to Alaska. We spent one afternoon in the park teaching Jen to play volleyball. We also went to the local drive-in. That was quite a blast from the past -- the last time I was at a drive-in was in the early '70s when we watched 'Planet of the Apes' from our station wagon.


I took a picture of Jen and her mother by this tree beside Lake Michigan in February. I took this shot of Jen in front of the same tree this trip -- the weather was just perfect and Wisconsin was beautiful as always in summer or winter.


Lake Michigan shore, June 2008

We took an afternoon drive up the shoreline to Racine, Wisconsin which is home to some very tasty Danish kringle. We ran across this Evangelical Methodist church just a few blocks from the water and I had to snap a photo. I love the beautiful evergreens that are abundant in Wisconsin.

I really liked the engraved words from the Scriptures over the door to the church.


Then we visited what has become a special spot for Kristy and I -- the lighthouse at Wind Point which is just north of Racine. Visiting lighthouses has been a fun past time for us and this is certainly a beautiful one. Imagine a lake so large that it needed lighthouses for mariners in days gone by. Michigan and its sister lakes may as well be inland oceans -- they go on forever it seems.



At the beach by the lighthouse, we played around and Jen displayed her favorite activity these days -- kissing on her Momma. There is a lot of hugging and holding and we think it is clear evidence that she is walking again through the stages of childhood she missed. We are happy that she wants that kind of tender nurturing.



By the lighthouse keeper's house where Kristy and I have stood so many times before.


Giving love and life to a child in need -- that was our dream and God opened the door and sent Jen in our lives.



The summer will be full of a lot of firsts. Next stop Mumzy and Papa's house then it is off to California. Hope you are having a great summer -- we are!!

Hopscotch anyone??

6/24 Another time, another place

John Hancock Tower and observation deck - Chicago, summer 2008



On Tuesday a week ago, Jen stepped from a taxi in Chicago and was reunited with her friends from Zhuhai - Audrey and Alison. There, standing beneath the John Hancock Tower, we fulfilled our promise to help Jen reconnect with her sisters from Zhuhai. Three little Cantonese girls, so cute together, stood and talked as if they had just seen each other yesterday. It was the kind of meeting I had hoped for and thought about for a long time. In December, Jen had said goodbye in Zhuhai to the only family she had ever known -- the children at Zhuhai -- probably never imagining that she would see them once again.



You may remember that we were blessed to meet Alison and her parents back in February on a previous trip through the Midwest. This time it was 3 families coming from 3 states all converging on Chicago. We passed the hours at a nice restaurant as the girls entertained themselves with cell phones and cameras, good food and a lot of horseplay. We exchanged stories with the parents and gleaned some parental wisdom from their years in the trenches.





For us, it was an adventure just getting there. A car to O'Hare airport, a bus, 2 trains and a cab. Somehow we managed to go to the Sears Tower first but finally arrived at the John Hancock Tower an hour late. I wouldn't have missed meeting everyone for the world. We needed the encouragement and I hope they were encouraged by seeing us as well. The girls looked so cute together...three peas in a pod strolling down the street oblivious to their surroundings. And how could they really understand it all anyway? Over 8,000 miles from China and months later they met face to face in another time and another place. It was all planned by God.



My mother once shared a saying with me that I think about and it goes something like this...

Friends are the chocolate chips in the cookie of life...may you have lots of them!

We thank God for the "Cantonese chocolate chips" He has placed in Jen's life. May they be blessed now and always.

"Call to me, and I will answer you, and will show you great things, and difficult, which you don't know"

(Jer 33:3 - World English Version courtesy of ethnicharvest.org)

6/4 A good day at Zhuhai

My mother asked me about the picture on the right hand side of the blog which shows Jen and a few of her friends from Zhuhai. It came from the disposable camera that we sent to Jen while she was waiting for us. These photos were taken in late November 2007. All these girls are home now and we thank God for that. I hope you can see by their faces that they had some happy times there. They are dressed for school...they walked to school each day and came back for lunch and a mid-day nap before returning to school. Jen has talked to most of these girls after coming home to the States. We think of them often and pray that they will have a blessed life. To all the Zhuhai children, big and small, finally home or still there waiting....WE LOVE YOU!!